I’ve been having really weird dreams lately.
I’m not sure if it’s the stress of finishing grad school, anxiety over moving, or the strange food combinations I’ve been eating to get rid of food prior to the move or what, but every night I have the strangest dreams.
Some are down right terrifying. For instance, a couple weeks ago I dreamt it was a couple months before the wedding, and I had to get braces put on again (for my not IRL people, I had braces for almost five years when I was in middle/junior high/high school. It was not something worth repeating). And for some reason, I couldn’t get Invisalign or those clear braces; no, all dream me could think about was how terrible my wedding pictures were going to be: Me with a massive metal mouth (and rubber bands). I was crying about it in the dream, and I woke up crying about it in real life.
A few nights ago, I had an incredibly realistic dream where I was being stalked. I have no clue who this person was, but it was a really scary, extremely realistic dream. You know that feeling you get right after you watch a scary movie or TV show, when you are getting ready for bed, and even though you know it’s highly unlikely, you can’t help but feel something is watching you? THAT’S THE FEELING I HAD THE ENTIRE DREAM. And it woke me up at three am, too afraid to go back to sleep and find out what dream stalker wanted from dream me.
I’ve also been having a dream, it’s not really “recurring” because the situation changes, but one thing is constant: My ex-boyfriend is in it. Let’s call him “Mark.” "Mark" and I dated for a little over a year from the spring semester of my senior year of high school through the spring semester of my freshman year of college. He was a nice enough guy, and I’d love to say we split amicably, but that would be a lie. The truth is I was a real bitch towards the end of the relationship (I, unfortunately, use to practice the “let’s see if I can be mean enough for him to dump me” school of breaking up), and we were never really ever to remain friends after that. Anyway, these dreams are almost like vignettes. Like little snippets of scenes or something. I run into him at the grocery store, the mall, running various errands, what have you, and all we do is talk. About relationships: I'm getting married, and he just started dating someone last year. About grad school: I’m finishing up, he just started law school. About the weather, whatever. Random stuff. Nothing "too" serious.
Now, I feel like it must be noted that I have not seen nor spoken to “Mark” in almost four years (thanks to Facebook for keeping me informed on his livelihood. I’m a world-class creeper, but that’s beside the point). I think I dreamt about him once before, after we broke up but before I met John (“Mark” and I broke up in April 2006; John and I met in November 2006), and it was extremely similar to these dreams.
Whenever I have strange dreams like this, I turn to my trusty dream interpreter www.dreammoods.com. I have no idea how accurate Dream Moods is, but for my intents and purposes, it works. Join me, if you will, as I get some premium web therapy courtesy of the fine people behind Dream Moods.
In the case of my orthodonture, the kind folk at Dream Moods say:
“To dream that you have braces, indicates your brashness and critics of others. You should not be so quick to criticize. You need to stop talking too much and listen to what others have to say.”
Wow, what insight to my inner psyche! I’m a self-proclaimed judger of people. To make matters worse, I don’t really criticize people to his/her face, but rather talk about them behind their back. Perhaps my dreams are telling me to STFU and drop this bad habit before the wedding. I think this probably goes along with some items on my list. Namely being a better person.
In regards to my dream stalker, Dream Moods states:
“To dream that you are being stalked, indicates some difficulty or issue which you are not confronting. These problems are not going to go away just because you are ignoring them. If you are being stalked in real life, then this fear may be carried over into your dream state.”
I’m going to go ahead and say “Duh” on this one. I know exactly what “difficulty” they are talking about here. Sadly, I’m not sure how to confront it. Might be something one of my list items can accomplish. We’ll see.
And finally, my new dream friendship with the ex. Well, Dream Moods, what have you to say about this one:
“To see an old ex-boyfriend from childhood in your dream, refers to a freer, less encumbered relationship. The dream serves to bring you back to a time where the responsibilities of adulthood (or marriage) did not interfere with the spontaneity of romance. You need to recapture the excitement, freedom, and vitality of youth that is lacking in your present relationship. To dream that your ex-boyfriend is giving you advice about your current relationship, suggests that your unconscious is telling you not to repeat the same mistakes that you had made with this ex-boyfriend.”
OK, fair enough. John and I are dealing with very “adult” things right now. Marriage. Moving in together. Finding jobs. Finding a place to settle down. These are all heavy subjects. While I love John with all my heart, it certainly wouldn’t hurt to put aside some of this stuff every now and then and just enjoy our relationship. This can definitely be reflected in the list. In fact, I am hereby decreeing a “No Wedding Wednesday” for John and I. From now until June 11, 2011, Wednesdays will be off limits for wedding planning. No talking about it, no making any plans, no meeting or phone calls. However frozen yogurt and taking walks and watching cheesy movies is totally fair game :).
Anyone else have weird dreams pre-wedding? I can’t be the only one.
Switching over, briefly, I went on a very nice two-mile walk/run this morning in an attempt to start exercising again. I loved the walking part, hated the running part (I’m allergic), and other than a sore left foot (thanks to an old injury), it was really great. John asked for the P-90 (not P-90X, the X-less one) for his birthday so we can get in shape, together, and be totally smoking hot at the wedding. I’m actually really looking forward to it. Has anyone done P-90 before? What’s it like and can you really get “the banging bod” you want in 90 days? Inquiring minds want to know!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Checking in
I know I promised an addendum to my previous post about lessons learned, and I totally intend on delivering, but I'm moving in a week. I'm also finishing up my LAST CLASS EVER.
Needless to say, life is chaotic right now.
I'm also in a sort of lull as it goes for both wedding planning and the list. I'm hoping it will pick back up once I'm back home (I'm sure it will), so posts will pick back up then.
Needless to say, life is chaotic right now.
I'm also in a sort of lull as it goes for both wedding planning and the list. I'm hoping it will pick back up once I'm back home (I'm sure it will), so posts will pick back up then.
Friday, July 23, 2010
A fear conquered
Short post today, because it's Friday, and I have to write MY LAST PAPER EVER (can't tell you how good that felt to type)!
Remember that post from a few weeks ago, the one where I waxed poetic about being afraid of the dark?
Well, I didn't conquer my fear of the dark, but I did conquer another fear.
Last night, I was home alone. Usually, when I'm by myself, I don't sleep well, if at all. I usually end up staying up until the sun starts to rise, and then I'll doze for a little while. This isn't a healthy habit, especially since I'm marrying a pilot, who will have to be away from home from time to time (duh).
Last night I was home by myself, and in stead of allowing myself to get lost in "what ifs" and freaking myself out, at midnight, I turned the TV off, rolled over, thought "happy thoughts" (as my mother used to tell me to do when I had a bad dream), and went to sleep.
I woke up this morning at 8:30, having slept the entire night (except for a minute when I woke up around 3 am, but that doesn't count since I fell right back to sleep).
I'm not sure if it was tough love, or exhaustion, that drove me to it, but it's reassuring. After the last fiasco trying to conquer a fear (where, if you recall, I didn't sleep. At all), it was nice to feel like I have some control over my precocious, overactive psyche.
Finally, if you have a few minutes and you want to see the cutest wedding cuppie-cake ever, check out The Knotty Bride's entry from yesterday (the entry itself deals with a heavy topic, but the cuppie-cake is to die for).
Remember that post from a few weeks ago, the one where I waxed poetic about being afraid of the dark?
Well, I didn't conquer my fear of the dark, but I did conquer another fear.
Last night, I was home alone. Usually, when I'm by myself, I don't sleep well, if at all. I usually end up staying up until the sun starts to rise, and then I'll doze for a little while. This isn't a healthy habit, especially since I'm marrying a pilot, who will have to be away from home from time to time (duh).
Last night I was home by myself, and in stead of allowing myself to get lost in "what ifs" and freaking myself out, at midnight, I turned the TV off, rolled over, thought "happy thoughts" (as my mother used to tell me to do when I had a bad dream), and went to sleep.
I woke up this morning at 8:30, having slept the entire night (except for a minute when I woke up around 3 am, but that doesn't count since I fell right back to sleep).
I'm not sure if it was tough love, or exhaustion, that drove me to it, but it's reassuring. After the last fiasco trying to conquer a fear (where, if you recall, I didn't sleep. At all), it was nice to feel like I have some control over my precocious, overactive psyche.
Finally, if you have a few minutes and you want to see the cutest wedding cuppie-cake ever, check out The Knotty Bride's entry from yesterday (the entry itself deals with a heavy topic, but the cuppie-cake is to die for).
Monday, July 19, 2010
(belated) 11 months to go!/What I've learned so far
A couple weeks ago marked 11 months to go till the wedding. So far, I've (pretty much) enjoyed the wedding planning process (I'll probably feel differently in a few months). But, as with everything, this is a learning process, and there are a few things I've learned thus far. Part one of which is below. And it's about saving money.
Things I've learned about weddings (and how to save money while planning them) (so far)
1. If you can, have your wedding in the afternoon. Seriously, afternoon weddings cost FAR LESS than evening weddings. My reception location cut 50% of the rental fee (holy shit!) AND took $2 off per person. Let's say you are having 150 people at your wedding. That's $300 still in your pocket, now free to allocate to other things. (Also, we're saving $500 on the rental fee, just for having an afternoon reception.)
2. Never underestimate the power of people you are totally, totally friends with (or really people you kind of know or at one point knew). Now, I feel the need to clarify this, because there are certain people I mean, and there are certain people I really DO NOT mean.
Say you have a high school acquaintance who now owns a bakery/florist shop. Given they have good references/portfolios, you should definitely consider using this contact. Why? Because it's highly likely they will cut you a discount. Exhibit A: We've done business in the past with the photographer we're using (he did my brother's wedding, and he does all photography for my dad's Mardi Gras krewe). As such, I know he does an amazing job, and also, he cut us a 20% discount. On a photography bill of $2,000, that's $400 in the bank.
(If you're not keeping tabs or are bad at math, that's $1,200 saved.)
**Warning: I'm going to go on a bit of a soap box here. It's kind of an unrelated tangent, but something I firmly believe. Now, for instance, say your BFF has a photography/florist/bakery business on the side, and she/he totally wants you to use her. I would very much consider NOT using this friend. For obvious reasons, this could be a set up for disaster. Firstly, this is your wedding, and unless you have a very tight budget, springing for professionals is probably in your best interest. Professionals do these sorts of things for a living, as opposed to your friend, who might want to bake/photograph/arrange flowers professionally one day, but right now has to do it out of their house/apartment/condo.
I'm not saying your friend won't do as good of a job as a professional, but may I suggest to think about what you will do/think/feel if your friend delivers something subpar. To your wedding. It may not wreck your friendship, but you're lying to yourself if you don't think it won't mar it in some way.
If you really want them to contribute in some way, have them take your engagement shots, make a cake/decorate for the rehearsal dinner, etc. This way they get to be a part of your big day, but you don't have to worry as much. Win-win.
**End of tangent**
3. The last money related thing: Don't waste your money on those planners they sell in bookstores. Have you been to the wedding section at a bookstore recently? Half of the inventory is those wedding planners, and they sell for $30-$40 a pop. Ridiculous. Save your money. I bought a binder (pink, one of my colors) from Target for $3.50, and some fun dividers for $2.00. Bam! A wedding organizer/planner for less than $6.
I know what you are all thinking, "But you're missing out on all that info in those organizers!" I hate to break it to you, but alllllll of that info (plus more) is one simple Google search away. Seriously. Save your money. Get a manicure instead.
For those of you have already planned a wedding, what are some of your $$$ saving tips for us brides-to-be looking to keep some cash in the bank?
That's it for part one! Part two will go live sometime later this week, and it'll be all about what I've learned thus far about saving your sanity, equally important to saving money, sometimes more so! Also: A message in a bottle soon to be sent and hobbies to be explored. See you soon!
Things I've learned about weddings (and how to save money while planning them) (so far)
1. If you can, have your wedding in the afternoon. Seriously, afternoon weddings cost FAR LESS than evening weddings. My reception location cut 50% of the rental fee (holy shit!) AND took $2 off per person. Let's say you are having 150 people at your wedding. That's $300 still in your pocket, now free to allocate to other things. (Also, we're saving $500 on the rental fee, just for having an afternoon reception.)
2. Never underestimate the power of people you are totally, totally friends with (or really people you kind of know or at one point knew). Now, I feel the need to clarify this, because there are certain people I mean, and there are certain people I really DO NOT mean.
Say you have a high school acquaintance who now owns a bakery/florist shop. Given they have good references/portfolios, you should definitely consider using this contact. Why? Because it's highly likely they will cut you a discount. Exhibit A: We've done business in the past with the photographer we're using (he did my brother's wedding, and he does all photography for my dad's Mardi Gras krewe). As such, I know he does an amazing job, and also, he cut us a 20% discount. On a photography bill of $2,000, that's $400 in the bank.
(If you're not keeping tabs or are bad at math, that's $1,200 saved.)
**Warning: I'm going to go on a bit of a soap box here. It's kind of an unrelated tangent, but something I firmly believe. Now, for instance, say your BFF has a photography/florist/bakery business on the side, and she/he totally wants you to use her. I would very much consider NOT using this friend. For obvious reasons, this could be a set up for disaster. Firstly, this is your wedding, and unless you have a very tight budget, springing for professionals is probably in your best interest. Professionals do these sorts of things for a living, as opposed to your friend, who might want to bake/photograph/arrange flowers professionally one day, but right now has to do it out of their house/apartment/condo.
I'm not saying your friend won't do as good of a job as a professional, but may I suggest to think about what you will do/think/feel if your friend delivers something subpar. To your wedding. It may not wreck your friendship, but you're lying to yourself if you don't think it won't mar it in some way.
If you really want them to contribute in some way, have them take your engagement shots, make a cake/decorate for the rehearsal dinner, etc. This way they get to be a part of your big day, but you don't have to worry as much. Win-win.
**End of tangent**
3. The last money related thing: Don't waste your money on those planners they sell in bookstores. Have you been to the wedding section at a bookstore recently? Half of the inventory is those wedding planners, and they sell for $30-$40 a pop. Ridiculous. Save your money. I bought a binder (pink, one of my colors) from Target for $3.50, and some fun dividers for $2.00. Bam! A wedding organizer/planner for less than $6.
I know what you are all thinking, "But you're missing out on all that info in those organizers!" I hate to break it to you, but alllllll of that info (plus more) is one simple Google search away. Seriously. Save your money. Get a manicure instead.
For those of you have already planned a wedding, what are some of your $$$ saving tips for us brides-to-be looking to keep some cash in the bank?
That's it for part one! Part two will go live sometime later this week, and it'll be all about what I've learned thus far about saving your sanity, equally important to saving money, sometimes more so! Also: A message in a bottle soon to be sent and hobbies to be explored. See you soon!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
#23
#23 Eat in a restaurant by myself
For some reason, I always thought this would be really embarrassing. Like, everyone around would think, "Look at her! Does she have no friends? Does no one love her? Why is she eating all by herself?" I guess I worry about this because, sadly, this is was I think when I see people eating by themselves in a restaurant. Also, I am definitely the type to worry about what people think of me. I attribute this mostly to the way I was brought up, but it has also been reinforced by my studies/work in public relations, which is ALL ABOUT knowing, caring and influencing WHAT OTHER PEOPLE think about YOU (excessive use of caps in that sentence? Yea or nay?). Anyway, I was legitimately nervous when I went into the restaurant after class today.
I specifically chose a restaurant that didn't look to crowded, specifically at a time in between meals. I went in around 11:30 or so, after my class let out early.
I approached the hostess stand, where a perky 20 something girl who puts too much effort into her job greeted me, "Hi! How many today?"
"Just me," I told her hesitantly.
Now, at this point, I'm not sure what I was expecting, a scoff, maybe. Perhaps a sneer. Yes, I realize this would have been bad business on her part, and I'm sure a lot of people go into this particular restaurant for lunch alone, but this is the way my mind works. But she just continued smiling, grabbed service for one, and asked if there was anywhere in particular I wanted to sit. (Ya'll, it was pretty much deserted. Literally me and two other tables.) I chose a table by a window, where I could sit close to a wall, so I could see everything around me and outside (I really, really, really enjoy people watching).
OK, so one challenge down, now it was time to face the waiter. As luck would have it, I was waited on by a pretty attractive guy (Yippee, what everyone wants, to be judged by a good looking member of the opposite sex!), who actually turned out to be gay, so, sweet relief, I guess. He asked if I wanted something to drink. I ordered an iced tea. When he came back, I ordered food, and he left. He was very nice, very observant, and he made no attempt to make small talk, which was perfectly OK by me because I hate small talk with a passion.
I ended up taking out the notebook I carry around with me to brainstorm in, write things down, etc. You could call it a "writing notebook" or if you really wanted, a "journal" and spent a blissfully quiet, uninterrupted hour writing.
No one asked why I was alone. No one cared I was alone. It was fantastic. When I was done, I left the waiter a nice tip for A) being a good server and B) leaving me alone.
So, I guess I can cross this one off as a success. I think I might this a regular thing. There is definitely something to be said for it!
For some reason, I always thought this would be really embarrassing. Like, everyone around would think, "Look at her! Does she have no friends? Does no one love her? Why is she eating all by herself?" I guess I worry about this because, sadly, this is was I think when I see people eating by themselves in a restaurant. Also, I am definitely the type to worry about what people think of me. I attribute this mostly to the way I was brought up, but it has also been reinforced by my studies/work in public relations, which is ALL ABOUT knowing, caring and influencing WHAT OTHER PEOPLE think about YOU (excessive use of caps in that sentence? Yea or nay?). Anyway, I was legitimately nervous when I went into the restaurant after class today.
I specifically chose a restaurant that didn't look to crowded, specifically at a time in between meals. I went in around 11:30 or so, after my class let out early.
I approached the hostess stand, where a perky 20 something girl who puts too much effort into her job greeted me, "Hi! How many today?"
"Just me," I told her hesitantly.
Now, at this point, I'm not sure what I was expecting, a scoff, maybe. Perhaps a sneer. Yes, I realize this would have been bad business on her part, and I'm sure a lot of people go into this particular restaurant for lunch alone, but this is the way my mind works. But she just continued smiling, grabbed service for one, and asked if there was anywhere in particular I wanted to sit. (Ya'll, it was pretty much deserted. Literally me and two other tables.) I chose a table by a window, where I could sit close to a wall, so I could see everything around me and outside (I really, really, really enjoy people watching).
OK, so one challenge down, now it was time to face the waiter. As luck would have it, I was waited on by a pretty attractive guy (Yippee, what everyone wants, to be judged by a good looking member of the opposite sex!), who actually turned out to be gay, so, sweet relief, I guess. He asked if I wanted something to drink. I ordered an iced tea. When he came back, I ordered food, and he left. He was very nice, very observant, and he made no attempt to make small talk, which was perfectly OK by me because I hate small talk with a passion.
I ended up taking out the notebook I carry around with me to brainstorm in, write things down, etc. You could call it a "writing notebook" or if you really wanted, a "journal" and spent a blissfully quiet, uninterrupted hour writing.
No one asked why I was alone. No one cared I was alone. It was fantastic. When I was done, I left the waiter a nice tip for A) being a good server and B) leaving me alone.
So, I guess I can cross this one off as a success. I think I might this a regular thing. There is definitely something to be said for it!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Checking in
I know some people say "no news is good news" but that's not really the case for blogs.
There hasn't been much action on the list lately, and I ran out of origami paper (almost 100 cranes down!) so I'm momentarily paused on that, but I hate to let weeks lapse between entries, so here I am.
Anyhoo, I've started my second summer session of classes, and I only have one class, so I haven't been super busy with school, but I have begun packing up my stuff for the big move home, and wedding planning is in full swing now (we have an officiant, yay for that!), so those things are keeping me pretty busy. Not that it's really any excuse. There are tons of things on the list I could be doing. I'm hoping to accomplish a few in the next week (or so), like:
23. Eat in a restaurant by myself
26. Go to NYC
41. Send a message in a bottle
In regards to #41, writer's block is attacking on this oh-so-important task. What would you say?
There hasn't been much action on the list lately, and I ran out of origami paper (almost 100 cranes down!) so I'm momentarily paused on that, but I hate to let weeks lapse between entries, so here I am.
Anyhoo, I've started my second summer session of classes, and I only have one class, so I haven't been super busy with school, but I have begun packing up my stuff for the big move home, and wedding planning is in full swing now (we have an officiant, yay for that!), so those things are keeping me pretty busy. Not that it's really any excuse. There are tons of things on the list I could be doing. I'm hoping to accomplish a few in the next week (or so), like:
23. Eat in a restaurant by myself
26. Go to NYC
41. Send a message in a bottle
In regards to #41, writer's block is attacking on this oh-so-important task. What would you say?
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