#30

#30 Accept the fact I will never join a gym and find a fitness program that works for me.

I often tell people I'm allergic to the gym, and I'm not lying when I say it. I have real, legitimate, visceral reactions when I am in, near, or around a gym. I start to sweat, itch and shake. I get a pit in my stomach. Every fiber in my being is screaming, "GET AWAY GET AWAY." Sometimes, I break out in a rash.

I've been told, by people with "medical degrees" and "knowledge", that this is less of an "allergic reaction" to the gym itself, but probably a "reaction to the anxiety I associate with the gym". Pffft. Whatever, doctors. I'm allergic to those bitches, and that's all there is to it.

Regardless of whether trained, medical professionals are correct or I am, one thing is undeniable: I really hate the mother effing gym.

As I have admitted in previous posts, I am not one of those stick thin girls. I'm not one of those in shape girls. Hell, I'm not even one of those average girls (all though, on a good day, I can pass for it). I am, as my noni so fondly calls it, a "big" girl. Slightly overweight. Big boned. I will never be thin. At my absolute smallest, I squeezed into a size 8, but if I'm being entirely honest, I was more comfortable in a 10. I am currently in a size 12. Sometimes, I wear a size 14.

And this, gentle readers, is why I hate the gym.

When you are a un-fit size 12/14, things don't always look good in motion. I believe Bridget Jones said it best: You know, wobbly bits. I have them. And, they, well, wobble when I try to do active things. Like, say, run. Or bike. Or whatever. I have no control over the direction certain body parts lumber off in. Things bounce without permission. Objects may make sudden, unexpected, uncontrollable movements. What I am saying is, I cannot control "the motion in the ocean" (Isn't that a pleasant image? I apologize). And there's nothing I can about it short of lubing myself up and shoving my whole body into a spandex suit, and you know, I'm not even sure that would do anything for my appropriately named thunder thighs.

So, when I run on the treadmill next to those stick thin, really fit guys and gals, I am super aware of what my own body looks like.

In addition to the body image dimorphism, I often feel like going to the gym is a competition against those around me. I see Pretty Blond Girl running, and I feel like I have to run as long as she does. If you haven't figured it out yet, I hate running and am not in shape, so this is delusional at best and down-right crazy at worst. I can never run as long as someone else at the gym.

Unless I find someone in worst shape than I am to compare myself to, I will always feel inadequate at the gym. And that's unlikely. How many overweight people do you see at the gym? Exactly. Few, if any. They avoid it for the same reasons I avoid it. Look it up. It's called gym intimidation. Seriously, you can Google it.

Anyway, long story short, the gym and I are not friends, and we never will be.

With that said, I want to look stunning on my wedding day, and I would love to put forth the effort to lose some weight. Just not at the gym. Enter my father (this is a good story, I promise). My dad walks every morning. Walking is something I can do. It's actually better on your joints than running, and brisk walking burns about the same calories per minute as running does .

So, every morning at about 6:30, I've been walking a few miles with my dad and other people from the neighborhood. It's actually, dare I say it, fun, because there's good company for gossiping, and I don't feel like anyone is judging me. I actually feel superior than people. I feel like I am exuding a very "Look at me! I'm up and at 'em and sweatin' and burnin' some fat! You all wish you were as awesome as me!" attitude. It's very liberating.

Anyhoo, so I'm walking. And I've added crunches to the routine, too. And soon, I'll start P90 with John. Between all of this, here's to hoping I'll see some results.

#21

# 21 Actually keep in touch with people far away from me

I'm notoriously bad at keeping in touch with people. Ask any of my friends. They'll be brutally honest (but they aren't much, if at all, better than I am) and agree, wholeheartedly.

It's funny. My mom is terrific at writing letters. Still, to this day, she writes letters to my Noni (her mother-in-law), even though they speak on the phone weekly. These aren't just casual notes, but detailed letters covering a week of activities over the course of several pages. Yet, here I am, incapable of picking up a phone and calling someone, just to say "Hi."

No more.

Last week, I had a three hour phone conversation with one of my best friends, Emily. We spent a lot of time waxing poetic about high school, waste deep in nostalgia. We vented. We reminisced. We reassured. Mostly, we laughed.

Ya'll, it was really, really nice. I had forgotten how nice it can be to talk, not text. I usually feel you need a reason to bother someone with a phone call, note or email. I've realized that you don't need a reason, per se, but rather a want to speak to the person on the other line, and that in itself is reason enough. It won't be a bother, but more than likely, a welcome break from reality.

My friends are fabulous people. I'm blessed to have them in my life. And now, it's a lot easier to pick up the phone, just to say hi.

Update on other list related items: I think I've successfully kicked the caffeine addiction! It took a couple weeks, but I no longer wake up really tired, and most days I don't even get cravings toward mid-afternoon, which was when I usually chugged a double shot from Starbucks. I will admit, I have been drinking a lot of tea, mostly due to the summer cold from hell, but also because, hey, I'm southern, drinking iced tea is what we do. It's got way less caffeine than coffee, so I'm considering it a win all around.

Also-also: The wedding is less than a year away, and I need to get cracking on my paper cranes! It's dawned on me I have no idea how to make origami cranes. Anyone have a good reference?

AND: Still waiting to do my red wine shtick. I need suggestions. What are some of your favorites?

A change in scheduled activities

For those who follow me on Twitter, you know I was looking forward to taking care of #20, learn to love red wine, this weekend. I researched last week, I knew exactly what wine I was going to buy, and I was prepared to host my first wine tasting for my uncle (whom I live with).

Unfortunately, a surprise summer cold accompanied with a sneak attack sore throat has set me back this weekend, and I have been unable to indulge. (Yes, on some level I think indulging could have helped, but I thought best not to mix alcohol I'm not used to drinking with various medications.) Hopefully next weekend I'll be up to it.

However, the weekend was not totally wasted. I did get a good jump-start on #21. More on that tomorrow, because right now it's time to tackle something totally unrelated to my list: studying for a midterm.